So I must begin with an apology to my readers for having been so negligent in my posts as of late. So many have been diligent in reading to see how Leah is doing and I should continue to keep you informed. I will strive to do better.
We had a rough week the week of our move to the new house. She was on her steroid pulse which made for a tough time all around. We are through that though so I won't dwell on the details. She is feeling much better and overall seems to be herself. Although her weight seems to be a little high in my opinion, the doctors are not concerned. She wants to eat as if she is on steroids the entire month. I'm having to do portion control as well as managing what types of foods she intakes. That is not easy when all she wants is carbs and salt.
I was listening in the car today to an older country song that simply says it's a great day to be alive....I know the sun's still shining when I close my eyes....there's some hard times in the neighborhood but why can't everyday be just this good. And immediately my mind went to all the what if's of our life. Sure at that moment life was good. Leah felt well, Debbie is in to visit, it was a beautiful day, we have a lovely new home but what if she gets sick? What if she goes back in the hospital? What if, what if, what if? And the fear and depression crept back in. And then I reminded myself of something. We're not guaranteed another moment. Every single breath is a gift from God. Every single moment I have with my husband and my children is a gift from God. All that I should be concerned with is this very moment because the next may not be so good but we'll deal with that when it happens. Fear and worry accomplish nothing. And in that very moment life was good regardless of what was to come in the day.
So as an update on Leah I say this.....we have many more good moments than bad. For that I am thankful. Do I wish she'd never had Leukemia? Yes. Do I dislike everything about this? Sure. Do I hate cancer? Absolutely. But every smile, every twinkle in her eye, every laugh....that I treasure in my heart. The good times far outweigh the bad right now and as Leah says "I am beating the snot out of cancer". Yes baby you are - by God's grace you are.
On a lighter note - the other kids....
Aaron has 4 teeth now and is trying table food. Mae wore her hair in braids today and has the cutest waves in her hair tonight. Leah looks funny with one missing tooth up front. She has decided she wants to go to Disney at Christmas time. Isaac has mastered potty training (yippee!). Of course I say that and he'll be peeing all over himself tomorrow.
Ok, off to watch the end of the movie with my kids (Isaac's pick - Lion King....again).
Sarah, although we've barely met (once I think, at an LBC banquet...and maybe another time at New Hope church) You have always been an inspiration to me. Thank you for your honesty and sincerity, sometimes it's not so easy in this format. Thank you for such a wonderful example of how to deal with life while relying on and looking to God. You guys are in my prayers often! Hope you are getting settled into your new house!
Posted by: Erin | July 08, 2009 at 02:30 PM
Sarah, I just wanted you to know that ever since you commented on my blog, I have been thinking of you and praying for you often. I was so so touched to hear that my book brought you comfort. Your posts here reveal so much about your strength and honest faith. May God bless you with his peace today!
With love and much respect,
Molly Sabourin
Posted by: Molly Sabourin | July 10, 2009 at 12:54 PM